It’s a little rough.
I feel disconnected from everyone. I’m stressed and I don’t have much to back me up right now. I’m stressed bc I have a HUGE project due and I have my graduate school application due.
And I feel like I’m not getting the support I need.
It’s been a weird few days. I hope I get my life together today… I really do.
1. Understand what jealousy is. It’s a mixture of fear and anger – usually the fear of losing someone who’s important to you, and anger at the person who is “taking over”. Recognise that it’s a destructive and negative emotion - and often nothing good comes out of…
….. So my to do list for this week….
Grad School Apps (Due Sunday)
- Fix my resume
- Fix my statement of purpose
- Send transcripts
- Finalize and send in applications
Presentation for Philosophy (Due Monday or Tuesday)
- Create an argument
- Write essay
Volleyball Game Wednesday
Celebrate Dad and Michael’s Birthdays Wednesday
Celebrate mom and dad’s 25th anniversary
Athens Friday for the Volleyball game and prepare for the weekend
UGA vs GT game Saturday
And then my break ends….
I post here to vent. Because I write. I do better typing sometimes because I don’t have the patience nor the time to physically write.
And then I think “well he may see what I say” and a part of me says “well it’s the only way he’ll know” and the other part says “well maybe just tell him to read it if he wants to know whats going on”
I freeze when I speak in person. Lord, I word vomit in chapter all the time unless I read directly off my speech. It’s kind of embarrassing.
If I could talk rather than type, I would be set for life!!
Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner (via fusels)
Got the shot in the butt today for Adult Croup….
Just threw up stuff while coughing, while killing a cockroach that was on the wall.
I’m just going to vent though.
What I Do:
cleaned the room
cleaned room again
folded laundry and organized to easily put away… again
clean the stack of food and put neatly in a box and got rid of bad food
tidied the living room
cleaned my own room
cleaned my car
drive to school everyday
get food if needed
do the dishes
get little goodies
leave little notes
clean the bathroom
take care of the trash (don’t take it to the dumpster but I neatly put it in trash bags and tie it.
just sit on the bed and do homework, do my thing
make the bed
make sure that there is food to eat, make the food if not, get fast food
offer to help/get food/stop by somewhere/do something
when sick, still think of the other person….
What I Want
be offered to make/get food
offer to drive
ask if okay
ask if need anything
little goodie/note here or there
desire to spend time and ASK to spend time
willingly tell friends, hey I’m gonna do my thing
drink is offered to everyone else, so include me when offering
being offered without me having to ask….
to be taken care of when I’m sick
get a little extra attention when I’m sick (don’t need 100% attention, just checking up on me)
communication, even if it’s through someone else who’s phone is not dead
I can’t get a break.
Bumps in the road.
Got back from the Florida trip.
Doc said it was just a cold.
Just found out it’s actually adult croup.
Exam after exam.
Project after project.
KKPsi and SAI things.
VBB and BBB.
I was having a pretty good day. I got a little sassy, and I need to back that off today, but overall it was good. Now I’m sitting at practice. Ppl aren’t doing their job and I want this super simple drill to look semi okay…. But leadership isn’t stepping off so I yelled across the line. It may have been a little edgy, but at least I’m not just settling for something awful…
If people did their jobs I wouldn’t have to worry about it.
I’m trying this hands off approach, but I can’t do it sometimes….
Also, I’m more of an outsider than I think. It’s weird. And it’s not cool. I like the rehearsing part of rehearsal when ppl do what they’re supposed to.
I don’t want to be a tattle tail…. But it’s annoying when someone is getting paid for his job and not doing it…. I’m ready to go home and a part of me just wants to be alone and a part if me just wants to cuddle and fall asleep….
First voice I hear. First pair of eyes that I see. First person I embrace.
Last person I say goodnight to. Last memory of being awake. Last moment that seals the smile during the night.
I want these moments to be everyday and every night moments. I want this to be official. I don’t want it to be controversial. I just want it to be.
I want it to be my life, not just a moment here and there. I want it to be expected and not be something that I need to chose. I don’t want it to come with any consequences.
I just want to be happy. I just want it to be real. I just want it to be forever.